Don’t ever tell the mother of a newborn that her baby’s smile is just gas. Jill Woodhull (b.1974)
…a little child, born yesterday,
A thing on mother’s milk and kisses fed…
“Hymn to Mercury” (one of the Homeric Hymns), translated from Greek by Percy Bysshe Shelley
God’s interest in the human race is nowhere better evinced than in obstetrics. Martin H. Fischer (1879–1962)
A baby is God’s opinion that the world should go on. Carl Sandburg
Little, clutching hands, so dear,
Grasping everything that’s near,
Reaching for each thing in sight,
Baby hands, so soft and white!…
How you pull at our heart strings
As you dance and as you sing!
Baby, dear, to us you bring
Comfort and eternal Spring!
Gertrude Tooley Buckingham, “Baby Hands” (1940s)
If you were to open up a baby’s head — and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should — you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland. Dave Barry
Before you were born I carried you under my heart. From the moment you arrived in this world until the moment I leave it, I will always carry you in my heart. Mandy Harrison
And so you think a baby is a thing of beauty and a joy forever?… A sore-faced baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty, and inasmuch as babyhood spans but three short years, no baby is competent to be a joy “forever.” It pains me thus to demolish two-thirds of your pretty sentiment in a single sentence, but the position I hold in this chair requires that I shall not permit you to deceive and mislead the public with your plausible figures of speech. I know a female baby aged eighteen months, in this city, which cannot hold out as a “joy” twenty-four hours on a stretch, let alone “forever.” Mark Twain, 1865
A baby dances with its feet in the air Ruth Krauss (1901–1993), Open House for Butterflies, 1960
I’ve a sweetheart I love, so dearly—
She’s all that is lovely and fair!—
Her eyes are as blue as the bluebells
Though, as yet, she hasn’t much hair.
Her mouth is like a tiny rose bud,
Just asking for kisses from me;
And her sweet smiles are always ready
To break forth for each one to see.
Oh, my little, innocent sweetheart
Is the fairest flower that I know!
I’m sure that she’s loved by the Angels;
They’ll guard her where’er she may go.
~Gertrude Tooley Buckingham, “My Sweetheart” (1940s)
The smile that flickers on baby’s lips when he sleeps — does anyone know where it was born? Yes, there is a rumor that a young pale beam of a crescent moon touched the edge of a vanishing autumn cloud, and there the smile was first born in the dream of a dew-washed morning. Rabindranath Tagore
Life is a flame that is always burning itself out, but it catches fire again every time a child is born. George Bernard Shaw
“What fragrant garden of far away,”
I heard the ones who love me say,
“What garden gave its blooms to you?
O blossom-baby, tell us true!”
~Melcena Burns Denny (1876–1974), “The Sleepsin Garden,” The Book of Baby Mine, 1915
People often ask me, “What’s the difference between couple hood and babyhood?” In a word? Moisture. Everything in my life is now more moist. Between your spittle, your diapers, your spit-up and drool, you got your baby food, your wipes, your formula, your leaky bottles, sweaty baby backs, and numerous other untraceable sources — all creating an ever-present moistness in my life, which heretofore was mainly dry. Paul Reiser
It sometimes happens, even in the best of families, that a baby is born. This is not necessarily cause for alarm. The important thing is to keep your wits about you and borrow some money. Elinor Goulding Smith
Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from crying. (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and make loud “snort” noises.) I don’t know why parents don’t do this more often. Usually it makes the kid laugh. Sometimes it sends him into shock. Either way it quiets him down. If you’re a parent, acting like a rhino has another advantage. Keep it up until the kid is a teenager and he definitely won’t have his friends hanging around your house all the time. P.J. O’Rourke
One of the most obvious results of having a baby around the house is to turn two good people into complete idiots who probably wouldn’t have been much worse than mere imbeciles without it. Georges Courteline, La Philosophie de Georges Courteline
A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase. Author Unknown
When babies look beyond you and giggle, maybe they’re seeing angels. Quoted in The Angels’ Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994
In the sheltered simplicity of the first days after a baby is born, one sees again the magical closed circle, the miraculous sense of two people existing only for each other, the tranquil sky reflected on the face of the mother nursing her child. Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea, Chapter IV: Double-Sunrise
Christie held out her arms, saying with an irresistible longing in her eyes and voice: “Let me hold her! I love babies dearly, and it seems as if it would do me more good than quarts of tea to cuddle her, if she’ll let me.” Louisa May Alcott, “Through the Mist,” Work: A Story of Experience, 1873
Babies are always more trouble than you thought — and more wonderful. Charles Osgood
Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other. Ed Howe
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one. Leo J. Burke
Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they’re born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you. Ray Romano, “The Baby,” Everything and a Kite, 1998
Babies are such a nice way to start people. Don Herrold
Every baby needs a lap. Henry Robin
Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was, that they escaped teething. Mark Twain
A baby is a blank cheque made payable to the human race. Barbara Christine Seifert